What is a Pooty?

In all my years of observation of this "Pooty" I have finally stumbled upon a conclusion of the age old question "what is a Pooty?" For the purpose of this study I will refer to him as Peter Paul (which was almost his name)  The first time this question was asked to me was by my brother, the conversation went like this.

Brother: Who are you bringing over?

Wicket: My friend Pooty.

Brother: What the fuck is a Pooty?

I had no reply, how do you describe someone, so complex, I mean the layers of the man.  What are his motivations, when does Peter Paul become Pooty, what is wrong with his face, why does he introduce himself as Peter Paul to women and Pooty to men, and why does he get so wildly drunk?  I set out to find these answers, because it needs to be known, or because I also like to drink offensive amounts of beer, wake up, and eat Chinese food.

What Are His Motivations?

While researching this Pooty I found two distinct people.  Peter Paul, a level headed man who is in full control of his faculties and generally does what he is supposed to.  He shows up to work on time, he will help you if you need to move, and he cannot make macaroni and cheese, the noodles confuse him.  This Peter Paul is an exemplary professional who you want to be your friend............but Pooty is better.  Pooty is what happens when you add alcohol to the Peter Paul.  This is not gremlins, time does not matter, give Peter Paul alcohol he becomes Pooty, he is like an alcoholic chia pet, the effects are almost immediate.

The motivations of Peter Paul are simple:

• Food
• Video Games
• Movies
• Sports
• Money

The motivations of Pooty are very different:

• Beer
• Beer
• Jimmy Johns
• Beer
• Long Islands
• Sex
• Dancing
• Titties (usually yelled at a person, titties are not required to be yelled at)

And those are in order.

When Does Peter Paul Become Pooty



























What Is Wrong With His Face?

Is it Halloween, no, it is not, it is March 4th and Pooty is creepin'.  When Pooty drinks his face becomes his canvas.  It conveys how he feels and what he wants.  Breasts?  He will stare at them.  Beer?  He will contort his face to show you his pleasure or displeasure from every sip.  General confusion of surroundings?  You are going to see a shit ton of that.  I believe it is an evolutionary response to the effects of alcohol.  Humans have opposable thumbs so they can perform various actions, like grabbing things and braining people with them and Dolphins don't, therefore they are stupid.  Pooty developed the ability to speak with his face because he forgets how to formulate words, not sentences, words.  When he becomes Pooty he could communicate anything to a two year old with 100% accuracy and that baby will be like "this guy is retarded," which is exactly what he was trying to say.  It is a fascinating way of communicating......women do not seem to understand it.

Why Does He Introduce Himself As Peter Paul To Women?

Would you want to fuck a guy named Pooty?

Why Does He Get So Wildly Drunk?

Some people drink because they are sad or want to forget.  Some are addicted.  Others want to lose their inhibitions and make mistakes.  Others party.  Peter Paul drinks because he knows Pooty is the best version of himself.  Popeye eats spinach and becomes Popeye X, Voltron makes his robot slaves become his arms and legs, boom, better than whatever he was, Lebron and Chris Bosh sign with the Miami Heat, boom, basketball is ruined.  While Pooty does not get super strong, get people to be his limps, or ruin a sport because they individually suck.  He does gain ability at drinking games and gain abilities at drinking.  Also a weird side effect, Pooty is way better with women than Peter Paul, if he had to quit drinking cold turkey, it would be terrible.  It would be like a 700 pound man losing 550 pounds, he would look really fucking weird.  So back to the point of this section, he gets wildly drunk because he no longer has to be lame Peter Paul who goes to bed early, wakes up, brushes teeth, and goes to class.  He becomes Pooty, who goes to bed way too late, sleeps past his alarm, does not brush his teeth, and goes to class with dicks all over his face.

In Conclusion

I found all these answers through careful observation of these two men.  Well one guy who is wildly different.  A nice, quiet, man who has meh manners becomes a belching, farting, neanderthal who screams elongated vulgar obscenities at the top of his lungs and loses all motor control.  In short, it is hilarious to watch.

Fuck you Pooty.

4 Four Loko Day Live Blog

It has started, the day of reckoning, the Ragnarok, end of days, a Roland Emmerich movie title.  Pooty and I are drinking 4 Four Lokos......and it has begun.

(Wicket) 7:15- First Loko is cracked.  It is pineapple because I have never had it and terrible unknown things are apparently more appealing to me than terrible known things.  I take a sip......it is not bad.

7:18- Fuck Pineapple Lokos.

7:36- We are playing Worms, not gay it is a sweet game look it up. I have discovered the flavor of every four loko, that type of kool-aid and then you eat a cigarette.  It is nasty, at first you think this is good then you realize someone jammed cancer into your mouth to mix with the kool-aid.  How much do I regret this currently, not much, I feel bad ass, but I am not really smart.

7:44- Pooty can't log into his name, he sucks.  Halfway through the Pineapple and my stomach is feeling pretty good, apparently lava sauce from taco bell is a good buffer.

(PootyTime) 7:52- For the past 25 minutes I have been playing the "worms drinking game" with a strawberry-lemonade 4 loko. This is the worst decision I have made since I agreed to drink four 4 lokos in one night. However, the first loko is going down quite well. Like pink lemonade on a hot summer day.

7:54- This now takes like shit. Like a can of Milwaukee's Best that has been sitting under my car seat for the last four years. Fuck my life.

8:07- I am now quickly approaching the end of my first 4 loko. Although it already tasted like an ashtray, it has progressively gotten worse. This strawberry loko tastes like I have been chewing on an aluminum can, that has been sprayed with strawberry air-freshener.

(Wicket) 8:19- I have finished my 1st, the first quarter is done, I am drawing comparisons to football meaning I don't know what I am doing.  Level of regret, less than earlier, how drunk am I, meh.

8:22- Headcut has arrived, he called us idiots, eh probably true.  Two new nicknames, White-Black & Poke, they are making sure we live, or watching us die.  Pooty just tried to change the PS2 DVD with the PS3 controller, everything is going as it should.

Also 8:22- Uva Berry flavor, what does that mean, probably terrible, but apparently it means purple flavor.  Pooty says it is delicious, tastes like grape fanta.  WANNA FANTA DONT YA WANNA WANNA FANTA.  Seriously, everytime you hear someone say fanta you think of that horrible song.

8:39- If I make it to the bars tonight slap me, also this won't be posted until tomorrow so, nevermind.

(Pooty) 8:43- Halfway through the second loko and I seem to be holding it together. Except for the controller incident, which was bad. The watermelon is "eeeehhhhhhhh alright" but nothing exceptional. It cannot hold the grape lokos jock. My motor control seems to be normal as far as I can tell, because I havent pissed on the toilet seat yet. I am not afraid, I can totally handle this challenge. Bring on the fifth.

(Wicket) 9:04- We are playing Tiger Woods and drinking how many strokes we are behind, we drank 12 last hole, it was hole 8, still on two, pray for me, actually don't, probably won't help.

9:12- I am white girl wasted.

9:18- Triple bogey, Fuck You HEADCUT AND POOTY......oh shit we lost that hole.

9:20- Just puked a little in my mouth.

9:24- Poke just hit a wild second shot, probably the most athletic he has ever been in a video game.

9:33- He sucks now.

(Pooty) 9:40- Second loko is done, and I feel like da shit. I could beat a Kenyan in a marathon. I just made Wickett chug his shit....bc he is a massive bitch ass pussy. I was intimidated, now I am intrigued. I am not going to only win this shit...im going to blow wicket out of the water like my name as Dzhokhar Tsarnaev. 

9:48---I just cracked my third, and I am........................

(Wicket) 9:49- Second loko finished.  Really I am not feeling that drunk, also I am forgetting who I am though, so make the decision for yourself.  I feel great though.  Level of drunk, extreme, level of regret very minimal.  Currently I am thinking 4 four lokos is not enough.

10:00- I am getting better at golf video games proving my ability at fake sports is not affected by alcohol.

10:03- I just missed a short putt, I have never been more disappointed in myself. Also, I just found out that Pooty wikipediaed the Boston Marathon Massacre for the spelling of Dzokhar Tsaernaev.

10:16- I just thought I was taking a practice swing in the video game........I was not......it was a bad ass shot.

UPDATE:::::::Pooty and Wicket are on #3 and are slowing down, I still think 4 is not enough, Pooty is unsure.

10:23- We thought Napoleon quit our game, we freaked the fuck out.

10:25- Crisis averted.  Well we actually just did something else.

10:30- Cards against humanity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10:39- Time is moving really slow now.  Fuck.  Level of drunkeness, 78, level of regret a bucket of chicken.

11:30 Saturday- What the fuck happened?


 

The Four 4 Loko Challenge

Pooty’s Rendition

6:30 PM (T-Minus thirty minutes until 4 Loko game time)

When I look back at all my life has had to offer, I begin to smile like Jerry Sandusky in a middle school. All the tities, open bars, and one-night stands get me harder than a black person at Golden Corral. Damn, I am still smitten. So, when it comes to drinking four 4 Lokos, I will make them my bitch. I am to 4 Lokos, what John Daly is to Jack Daniels. I fear no liqueur, moonshine, or mixed drink. I am a god amongst men and my steel liver will be champion of the night.    

Wicket’s Introduction

5:50 PM (In my head at work while I am watching peoples’ children)

I get off in 10 minutes.  Fuck, I am tired there is no way I am going to climb this mountain of alcohol.  Well, I drank 3 once, but I do not remember anything from that night that could help me.  The only thing I remember is going to buy another loko and I forgot my wallet so while standing there looking at the cashier I drunkenly ran for what seemed like 15 minutes back to my house…….my house is the junior high school record for the long jump away from the store I procured the beverages so I must have been running rather slow or walking while flailing my arms.  I came back and bought my third loko, night over.  So as I sit here I think, holy shit I take care of children, one of them just told me I am their favorite teacher, which, I am flattered, really, but I am not a teacher so damn kid you are stupid.  I digress though, mainly I was thinking, what if I die?  Would my family even throw a funeral or just say fuck it he was an idiot leave where he was.  I say the latter, fuck me if I die.  Let’s start.  That cracking noise you are hearing in your mind, it is a four loko, also regret though.

The 10:30 A.M Showing Of Fast & Furious 6

Alright......so this is the 6th but 5th chronologically.  So the first 3 were made, and then there is the prequel (to the 3rd) trilogy (4,5, and 6) and now the 7th (out next year) is after the 3rd.....sound like something?

Fast & Furious Saga is Star Wars, at least in terms of how the movies happened.  I have not connected plot points yet but it is very possible, I already explained how Fast Five is Ocean's 11, I am sure I could find similarities.



The audience clearly viewed this movie as a serious form of entertainment.  My brother and I laughed at the parts that were comically ridiculous while others gasped with relief that Vin Diesel is essentially Superman.  The only way to kill him is with a Kryptonite car, fire and metal do nothing to him.  The following section has spoilers.....do we call them spoilers......or......I don't think they are spoilers.  But I am literally going to explain this plot. (?)

So as you know because you read my previous post or you for some reason watch these movies for enjoyment, Michelle Rodriguez is alive and The Rock and Eva Mendez are going after her and her boss.  Well, Eva Mendez's only job task I guess is to give people photos because she is nowhere to be found in this movie.  The Rock gets a name out of some henchman by questioning (he immediately beats the shit out of him before he even asks a question) him.  A new bad guy has arrived.

And he is actually a bad guy in this movie.  Also, in an attempt to make me actually like this movie they casted someone who is a licensed actor in Luke Evans.  He is a former SAS guy who makes Indy cars into impervious machines of chaos.  His plans are more nefarious than the other bad guys of this saga.  He is stealing separate parts to make a device that knocks out communication of a country so he can sell it.  The Rock lets you know this is bad by saying it could kill millions of people.  He has guns that can take control of cars, like body snatching machine, machine guns.

To break it down lets go over the bad guys.  My brother could only name who two of them were and what they did to make them bad guys.

The Fast & The Furious- Vin Diesel in an anti-hero role.  Plan?  Step 1, steal DVD & CD players, step 2, profit.  FBI got involved.

2 Fast 2 Furious- Cole Hauser, tries to leave country with all his money, is apparently a criminal who does illegal things and likes his posse to be able to street race. FBI got involved.

Tokyo Drift- It should have been Bruce Lee, it is not, I do not know if this movie's bad guy is bad, his main influence seems to be.......I am drawing a complete blank.  The main bad guy is actually......
Zachary Ty Bryan from Home Improvement.  Plan? None.

Fast & Furious- Braga, he sells drugs and builds tunnels.  Is apparently a huge threat to the American way of life.  FBI got involved.

Fast 5- Joachim De Almeida, bad guy in everything dealing with Mexican cartels.  Is single crossed by Vin and the gang during a random job that the asshole friend from the 1st movie finds for the group of fugitives.  Apparently is pissed, has no plan other than kill people.  Fails.  RockBI gets involved.








So Luke Evans is clearly the only one of these bad guys that is actually worth worrying about which is why it is confusing that the fast and furious gang is (again) helping since they are essentially common criminals.  So updates on the characters.  Pretty much everyone is living off the money they got in the 5th movie in countries where they cannot extradite (this is explicitly stated) until The Rock comes and shows Vin the picture of Michelle Rodriguez and he promptly leaves his much hotter girlfriend from the 5th movie.  The group gets back together to catch Luke Evans who Michelle Rodriguez works for.

They finally meet up 4 minutes later and Rodriguez shoots Vin.  I am going to skip some lines here to add some intrigue.  Why is Michelle Rodriguez doing this?  Get the answer in your head now.
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She has amnesia.  The guy who shot her in the 4th decided to shoot her car (which has an 100% chance of blowing up) which explodes her into amnesia.  She is then recruited into Luke Evans group and accepts, while, I am guessing laying in a hospital bed.  I thought she would eventually exclaim, "I am undercover" but she never did, she has explosion induced amnesia until the very end of the movie but seems to pick up on references to her old life that Vin growls at her.





So Luke Evans needs one more part to complete his doomsday device and it is a computer chip which he tricks The Rock (who seems to have failed every aptitude test that he would need to take in order to get into any government agency, his only skill seems to be vicious murder) into moving so he can steal it, with his getaway car of choice being a tank.  Of course Tyrese (Bernie Mac) has a lot of one liners about this.  Luke Evans proceeds to do his best impression of Vin Diesel from Fast 5 and murder 60-70 people on the expressway by running cars over.  This is where physics and basically logic gets thrown out the window.  Tyrese's car is getting crushed by a tank,  every other car crumples immediately but Tyrese's car is apparently made out of the same thing Optimus Prime is made out of and he defies gravity to leap 6 or 7 feet forward onto a car driving at least 80 mph.  Not the most ridiculous thing that happens during this sequence.  Tyrese's transformer is used as an anchor to flip a tank, I do not know exactly if it is possible I highly doubt it.  Luke Evans seems to know though because he sends Michelle Rodriguez to release the chain connecting tank to mustang.  It is too late though, the tank flips and catapults Michelle Rodriguez between the expressways and to certain death.  I jest, Superman, opens his door and runs into the median throwing himself across the gap where he catches/tackles Michelle Rodriguez into a car.  Michelle quips "how did you know that car was going to break our fall?" Vin growls "I didn't"my brother whispers "cars break falls?"  Well if you watch Fast 5 you know Vin Diesel can rip through metal chains, so landing on cars is obviously possible.  I am also sure that at the speed he tackled her he would break her spine.

Luke Evans is caught but he has.......fucking Jordana Brewster who they just left her at home when going after a international criminal.  So The Rock (who said he does not let people go) decides that saving one person, is worth the possibility of millions of dead people as stated earlier in the film.  Luke Evans leaves, Carano is a double agent, (why did she fight Michelle rodriguez earlier) and the second they leave, the crew leaves after them.  Luke Evans does not kill Walker's wife in order to get an 8 second lead.  This of course leads to a car fight against a plane on the longest airstrip known to man.  The scene is no less than 30 minutes long, and say the cars are going 80 miles an hour (probably faster these cars idle at 70) using math that I may have made up for this post that airstrip is 40 miles long, and it has more room to it.  Ugh Liu Kang's girlfriend (whose solution to every problem is, be slut) falls off a car and dies after she saves him by air sniping a guy.  She pulls off a shot with a handgun that can only happen in Halo.  There is a ridiculous fight between White Rock and The Rock Diesel, Carano and Rodriguez, Walker and Evans, Evans and Diesel, and White Rock and Rock, which all feature acrobatic jump punches.  During this time the others are engaging in car-fu.  Vin Diesel escapes death comically by exploding out of car (most likely with the help of NOS Energy drink) and then immediately worrying his friends by rolling the car over no less than 40 times.  There was nothing in the way, all he had to do was NOS it and it would have been fine.  NOS makes everything fine, they put it on open wounds to heal themselves.  Also, on a final note, Ludacris should work for the government in some capacity he can do anything with computers, he should be The Rock's boss.  He is behind the plan in Live Free Or Die Hard, linking Die Hard, Fast and the Furious, and Friday Night Lights.

The best part though.  They move the story line past Tokyo Drift to make the sequel trilogy.  And guess who actually kills Liu Kang in Tokyo Drift..........
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Fucking Jason Statham.

The Fast & The Furious Saga or Fast & Furious Saga

Okay, I am watching Fast Five, I think I will be able to keep up with the story and type at the same time.  The writers do not exactly seem to be the most intellectual people.  Also, they do not seem to be the same people from movie to movie.  Chris Morgan has wrote the 4th and 5th, I will get into the names of the actual movies later, it is confusing, probably the most difficult part of the saga to understand.  First I am going to rank these movies from a serious perspective, then just by how much I enjoyed them, and then I will break them down with a review of each.  This is going to be long.

1. Fast Five-I have only watched 10 minutes but the Rock just shot a guy with his own gun 17 times, stabbed a guy in the throat with a knife, and then violently snapped a man's neck, after he jumped through a wall like hulk and then jumped off a building.

2. Fast & Furious- This is the 4th one, I had to check 5 times because the only difference between the titles of the 1st and 4th is the addition of the before fast and furious.  This one is second because it does not revolve around the extremely stupid world of underground street racing, they start to transition to action during this one.  It also brings us back to the old cast of the first one revisiting plot lines that......there are no plot lines.

3. Tokyo Drift- The oldest asshole son from Home Improvement plays a dick head jock in the beginning of this movie.  You know this because he wears his letterman jacket in 95 degree weather in Alabama.  This is probably the best racing movie of the 6 (I am already counting the one that comes out Friday) as there are no heists of trucks or trains.  That being said,  this movie sucks.

4. The Fast & The Furious- This movie has aged terribly.  It was never good anyway.  Paul Walker has acting ability on par with Stevie Wonder's ability to read a book and drive a car at the same time.

5. 2 Fast 2 Furious- Electricity damping ray guns, Tyrese and Paul Walker are essentially buddy cops, Eva Mendez is forced to show her stomach at all times and as usual I am convinced she is a robot, (she is a latino and has not had 6 babies left, unheard of) and FBI agents wear Hawaiian party shirts.  It is terrible.

In order of how much I enjoyed them.

1. 2 Fast 2 Furious- Electricity damping ray guns, Tyrese and Paul Walker are essentially buddy cops, Eva Mendez is forced to show her stomach at all times and as usual I am convinced she is a robot, (she is a latino and has not had 6 babies, unheard of) and FBI agents wear Hawaiian party shirts.  It is awesome.

2. Fast five- Now I am maybe 40 minutes through and this is the ghetto Ocean's 11.  Plus the Rock is violently orgasm-murdering (he is getting of when he kills) people as a US agent of some kind.  The character is clearly a mass murderer.

3.  Fast & Furious- Does not matter what happened in this movie, the other two are so bad that even their unintended comical moments do not make up for how boring they are.

4. Tokyo Drift- Racing scenes are cool, dialogue is terrible, story is........there.

5. The Fast & The Furious- Paul Walker, Vin Diesel, Michelle Rodriguez, Ja Rule, and Asian Asshole guy.  This is not a list of the worst actors ever, it is the cast of the movie.

The Fast & The Furious

Paul Walker is a cop and is a fucking plague on this world.  Vin Diesel's best role is probably in The Pacifier and I have never seen it.  This movie is about street racing, hijacking trucks, and how hot Jordana Brewster is.  Vin Diesel's crew is hijacking trucks for DVD Players and CD players and Paul Walker and his FBI buddies are trying to catch them.  Missed the joke? They are stealing DVD & CD players and the FBI is involved.  Essentially the FBI are chasing guys who are knocking off the trucks heading to Best Buy.  The interesting thing about the way they shot this movie are the 97 scenes of actors staring into the camera and not saying a word.  Drink every time that happens and there is a gear shift, you will be wasted.  Jordana Brewster also seems to be on the straight and narrow and studying for what I think could be college this is clearly the voice of reason in the series.  The Hermione of the Fast & Furious world.

2 Fast 2 Furious

Paul Walker is a street racer and has not improved his acting ability at all actually it has regressed.  There are guns in this movie that sap the electricity from cars, they are the best part of the movie.  The above picture is actually from this movie.  This movie is hilarious.  It is of the buddy criminal variety.  Also, in an interesting bit of character development Tyrese only speaks in one liners.  The basic story is that Paul Walker has decided his FBI job is not as good as his street racing hobby (logical) and then he works for the FBI (yeah) undercover, to take down a guy who really does not seem that bad other than that he is an asshole.  Eva Mendez is a mole for the Customs agent above, who does not wear a lot of clothes.  That is the extent of her character's personality.  She also shows up at one moment to warn Walker and Tyrese that they are gonna die after the job for generic asshole, in a shirt tied up up to show her belly and she is wet.  It is not raining, it seems like she slept there, and apparently her and Paul walker are in love.  All there is to show that they even are interested in each other are Walker's rape stare and Mendez looking slutty (her general disposition)   Everyone should just watch this movie because out of context this is awesome but in context it is even better.  It has fucking electric sapping trident guns.  Vastly underrated.

Toyko Drift

Mike Winchill from Friday Night Lights (before Friday Night Lights but after all the Fast & The Furious movies because Tokyo Drift is the last chronologically) is kicked out of school and moves to Tokyo with his father.  He meets Bow-Wow who is the school's got to guy to get stuff illegally and beat the shit out of.  This is a fish out of water tale, Mike Winchill learned how to drift race before he learned to throw wicked awesome spirals in I am guessing his sophmore year of high school.  This movie takes place in 2027 moving Friday Night Lights to 2029 making it a Science Fiction movie.  Racing is actually important in this movie and Paul Walker is either a cop, street racer, or clown.  One of those 3.

Fast & Furious

Paul Walker is an FBI agent.  The original cast returns to answer all the questions you had about the 2 plot lines of this saga.  1, Vin Diesel and his crew (featuring dead asian from Tokyo Drift, making this a prequel) are still boosting trucks (this time instead of DVD players they have upgraded to gasoline) instead of using their second chance to avoid jail.  2, Paul Walker has returned to being an FBI agent and apparently broke up with Jordana Brewster sometime 5 years ago.  After a dangerous truck robbing Vin leaves Michelle Rodriguez because shit got to real, she goes back to wherever they were in the 1st one and promptly gets murdered.  This sends FBI agent Walker and jobless Vin on a collision course where their goals are the same but the way they want to accomplish them is different.  Sound familiar? Yes, it does, 7 hundred movies have done it before.  They work together to take down the bad guy who built a fucking tunnel through a mountain to I think take drugs across the American-Mexican border, im not sure though the bad guys intentions are never really blatantly stated in any movie of this saga.  This tunnel he made also is extremely dangerous, they could have made it straight but it is curvy and has like false walls you have to break through and for some reason when you use it you have to get through it in 18 seconds or America is going to catch you.  After Vin and Walker take down Le Chiffre, Vin still gets arrested even though he took down this, apparent threat to America, but, the crew is going to break him out, how?  By driving the shit out of some cars.

Fast 5

Paul Walker is a fugitive.  This is Ocean's 11.  Paul Walker is George Clooney, The guy who can't speak english is the flexible oriental, Liu Kang is Brad Pitt because he is always eating things, Ludacris is apparently a technology genius so he is the nerdy guy, Tyrese is Bernie Mac, and the women are in this movie though they are all interchangeable, Vin Diesel does not fit an archetype because he cant portray anything but brooding and intense.  The movie even has Ocean's 11-esque music and heist preparation montages.  Remember in the first movie when Jordana Brewster seemed like she was studying for college, she is essentially Michelle Rodriguez now and gives no fucks about school.  The Rock also makes an appearance to inject some relevance into this movie.  His character is a US agent of some kind that is also a murdering psychopath.  Okay, plot, the crew is stealing money from a bad guy (?) who sort of framed them during a job gone bad.  A new liberty this movie takes (the other movies did not care what cars could actually do) is with physics, they are not real in this universe.  Paul Walker kills a prison bus with a sports car, Vin and Walker jump off of a car that is free falling into a ravine, (which I feel could have been avoided) Vin Diesel is fast, and Vin can successfully turn a car and attached metal safe (more like a panic room full of money) into a large flail.  Speaking of the flail, The Rock lets Vin go after he murders no less than 40 cops in an amazing display of medieval warfare with modern technology.  He decapitates a car and cop with the chain that attaches the car to the safe. In the end the crew gets rich and retires only to make another movie next year.  Oh, I did not forget about the cliffhanger, Eva Mendez (Unnecessarily) who is back after a 3 movie gap shows a file to The Rock with a picture of (gasp) Michelle Rodriguez.

Fast & Furious 6

I am going to see it at 10 A.M tomorrow and then I will post another topic.  Predictions, this movie takes place around 2020 giving Mike Winchill 7 years to get to Tokyo and 9 years to lose the Texas Division 37 A Football State Championship.  So he is in 3rd maybe 4th grade, Billingsly has already started drinking by this time.  Bow Wow is getting raped in a limo.  Want to know why I am excited

Black people can fly.

Driving a Stick Shift Car (After 8 Years of Automatic Driving)

Disclaimer, my new (I use the word new loosely, to call my car new would be to say that the fall of Rome was a little bit before I was born) car is a 1983 Mustang L because the X fell off of the car, during a time when it was fast.  To compare my car to a sprinter, picture the slowest person you know, if you know quadriplegic, that will work.  Now shoot that person in the knee, that is how fast my car is.  Someone could egg my car and I could not catch them.  Oh it is also Lime Green.

First thing I noticed is that stop signs are the absolute worst thing in the world now.  I cannot speed because of the mechanical ability of my car but I will run stop signs, especially 4 way stops.  If you are one of those people that wave people on when you are at 4 way stops, fuck you, go, you got there first, don't wave me through, if no one is stopped I am running that thing, you are making that hard and if you see me (you will know I am really fucking green) you go, or get out of your car and use two arms to wave me through before I stop.  Also if you take forever to get into the turn lane, politely go die.

For some reason shifting with authority is awesome, makes me feel bad ass.  Going from second to third is my favorite because it feels like that is the movement that car chases use to make really wide dangerous turns.  Tom Cruise in Jack Reacher shifts as hard as he runs in every movie he ever made.  Fuck down shifting.

Rolling up to a red light in Neutral and then it turns green is so rewarding, I am pretty sure people are getting angry at me because I am going like 10 miles an hour about 25 feet from where I should stop but starting a car and moving it in 1st gear is about the dumbest thing you will ever do.  Why can't the car idle and then I can shift it into 2nd gear and so on........because then life would be easy and driving would not be terrible.

Because of the 1st gear thing I will not be going to fast food restaurants a lot.  I did it today just see how it was and was just about to yell at the poor soul serving my healthy snack to catch my card and bring it out the other side with my food.  This is actually a good thing, but still kind of shitty.