Pooty’s Rendition
6:30 PM (T-Minus thirty minutes until 4 Loko game time)
When I look back at all my life has had to offer, I begin to
smile like Jerry Sandusky in a middle school. All the tities, open bars, and
one-night stands get me harder than a black person at Golden Corral. Damn, I am
still smitten. So, when it comes to drinking four 4 Lokos, I will make them my
bitch. I am to 4 Lokos, what John Daly is to Jack Daniels. I fear no liqueur,
moonshine, or mixed drink. I am a god amongst men and my steel liver will be
champion of the night.
Wicket’s Introduction
5:50 PM (In my head at work while I am watching peoples’
children)
I get off in 10 minutes.
Fuck, I am tired there is no way I am going to climb this mountain of
alcohol. Well, I drank 3 once, but I do
not remember anything from that night that could help me. The only thing I remember is going to buy
another loko and I forgot my wallet so while standing there looking at the
cashier I drunkenly ran for what seemed like 15 minutes back to my house…….my
house is the junior high school record for the long jump away from the store I
procured the beverages so I must have been running rather slow or walking while
flailing my arms. I came back and bought
my third loko, night over. So as I sit here
I think, holy shit I take care of children, one of them just told me I am their
favorite teacher, which, I am flattered, really, but I am not a teacher so damn
kid you are stupid. I digress though,
mainly I was thinking, what if I die?
Would my family even throw a funeral or just say fuck it he was an idiot
leave where he was. I say the latter,
fuck me if I die. Let’s start. That cracking noise you are hearing in your
mind, it is a four loko, also regret though.
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