Monday, July 7, 2014

Think I will get an offer?

Pooty Pfaffenbach
PSN Name: PootyTime
Parents House   Toledo, Ohio
Phone: 419-601-****  




Objective

To obtain any job that pays more than minimum wage, has entry-level benefits, or allows me to sit at a desk and talk to no one.

Education

Bowling Green State University                                                August 2010-May 2013

·       Earned a four year degree in six years
·       Attended class at a 60% rate
·       Failed Sociology 101

University of Toledo                                                                  August 2006-May 2010

·       Switched my major four times
·       Scheduled three general education classes in a spring semester
·       Studied European Witchcraft and Magic
·       Played volleyball at the quad





Accomplishments

·       Obtained a twenty five matching winning streak in the Pokémon Battle Mansion 
·       Watched all eight Harry Potter films in one twenty four hour period
·       Went to class with a giant penis drawn on my face
·       Had drunk streak of twenty three days
·       Drank 5.5 Four Lokos in an eight hour period
·       Successfully faked being paralyzed in order to receive free alcohol and VIP treatment at a bar
·       Jedi Master











 

Skills

The ability to:
·       Look like a boss in gym shorts
·       Speak some Elfish
·       Drink two beers in less than twelve seconds
·       Take a selfie, change the radio station, and eat a five dollar footlong, while driving
·       Kill your face in Civilization Revolution
·       Criticize your every insecurity

References
Wickett
·       Bro
·       419-410-****
Mom
·       419-450-****
Dad
·       419-206-****





 


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