If just one, then none

Spring Break is quickly approaching, and my friends and I are soon going to face the realization that we so far only have one female attending. For some groups this may not be a huge problem, because lets face it, one is better than none right? WRONG! We'd rather have a ComiCon sized sausage-fest because......

A competition is going to happen. It doesn't take a scholar to realize that the laws of scarcity are going to be at work here. Due to high levels of testosterone, the men are going to try and earn the favor of the lone woman by grunting loudly and displaying their superior drinking abilities. The injection of inhuman amounts of alcohol into the equation means that the winner has probably punched his ticket to pound-town. Which means that.........

The Loser or Losers are probably going to be very angry. I usually fall into this category because I do not take losing well. Generally my solution to said problem is to get as fucked up as humanly possible. This course of action usually leads to me hating everyone, especially Wicket,  and not even liking myself. These types of actions can lead to ..........

Internal disunity. The men will be squabbling amongst themselves like catty bitches on a midnight dating show. Pranks will be pulled, and people will be harshly insulted. The only thing that ends more comraderies is a friendly game of RISK, because everyone knows backstabbing will occur, but they are never prepared for it.

While all this is happening..........

The winner will be a verifiable deity. Having hooked up with the only chick on vacation gives him the right talk shit to the losers and then rub their faces in it. However, depending on how much booze was consumed prior to the initial hookup, one of three things could happen:

1.) The relationship could grow and flourish into something that lasts. Not likely. How many lasting relationship stories begin with "we both blacked out and had irrational drunk sex"? The answer is, not many. Generally both parties wish the sins of that night could be washed away with more drinking, but sorry, they can't.

2.) The relationship could be a complete disaster from the beginning. Kind of like Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

or....

3. ) The relationship could be marginally successful, but failure in the end, is inevitable. Wickett will probably journey down this path. His friend based sex system looks good in theory, but it is about as stable as Enron riding a pogo stick. This means that eventually its going to collapse like a card house in the wind. Thus, it is going to get quite awkward for........

Everyone in the house. The shattered egos and confidences of the inhabitants are going to come together into one huge explosion. This will probably result in the death of a member. Most likely Yani, because he will not be anyway involved, but his constant violin playing will make him an easy and satisfying target.