Pooty Pfaffenbach
PSN Name: PootyTime
Parents House Toledo, Ohio
Phone: 419-601-****
E-Mail: pootytime009@yahoo.com
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Objective
To obtain any job that pays more
than minimum wage, has entry-level benefits, or allows me to sit at a desk
and talk to no one.
Education
Bowling Green State University August
2010-May 2013
· Earned a four
year degree in six years
· Attended class at
a 60% rate
· Failed Sociology
101
University of Toledo August
2006-May 2010
· Switched
my major four times
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Scheduled three general education classes in a
spring semester
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Studied European Witchcraft and Magic
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Played volleyball at the quad
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Accomplishments
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Obtained a twenty five matching winning streak
in the Pokémon Battle Mansion
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Watched all eight Harry Potter films in one
twenty four hour period
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Went to class with a giant penis drawn on my
face
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Had drunk streak of twenty three days
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Drank 5.5 Four Lokos in an eight hour period
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Successfully faked being paralyzed in order to
receive free alcohol and VIP treatment at a bar
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Jedi Master
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Skills
The ability to:
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Look like a boss in gym shorts
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Speak some Elfish
· Drink
two beers in less than twelve seconds
· Take a
selfie, change the radio station, and eat a five dollar footlong, while
driving
· Kill
your face in Civilization Revolution
· Criticize
your every insecurity
References
Wickett
· Bro
· 419-410-****
Mom
· 419-450-****
Dad
· 419-206-****
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