Campus Bike Parade

I was slightly confused upon exiting the student union this afternoon. At first I thought I was about to witness one of the greatest and most awesome things ever thought of: a midget bicycle race. However, I was quickly disappointed when I learned that the participants were only children, and not in fact midgets. Once my heart rate had dropped below 400 beats per minute, I began to think about why this activity was taking place on a college campus. My attention was quickly grabbed when a minor wreck occurred on the sidewalk, within the vicinity of the benches. A parent quickly got up, ran to the child, and made sure they were OK. Since only so much hurt can come from riding a bike at less than one mile per hour, the child was clearly fine. However, this action spawned an idea that in my mind, was better than drinking beer on the porch. I really want to see a child roller derby. Now, I know two out of the three people that consistently read this blog are going to be horrified by this idea, but bare with me.  Its not like some kid is going to pull a Earnhardt and slam into a tree going 100 miles per hour. Sure, the kids would probably be going rather fast at the bottom of the hill and might fall off, but what is a roller derby without the risk of disfiguration? All of the kids were already wearing helmets, so the proper safety precautions were already taken. Can you imagine how awesome it would be to see kids careening around tight corners on tricycles, cutting off other bikers like women drivers on the highway? I can, and it would be awesomely awesome, and I would be in verifiable heaven. I would literally skip class to watch this shit. I would even go as far as to get up early, so I could get a premium front row seat and watch the 2006 freshmen class' poor nighttime mistakes race. Tailgating would occur, knees would be bruised, and one of my life dreams would be witnessed.