Now that the president has been elected and people want to secede and shit the important political race is beginning. Grand Master of Bitchin' Leadership of Nanner Manor must be elected by the end of December. Everyone in the house is running except for Yanni because it is suspected that he is part of the Jewish Resistance and we all know Jews cannot hold political office or babies in this country. His platform would consist of Pooty renting movies, never buying his own pizza, and not washing cups if he did run but because of the aforementioned connection to the Jewish Revolution he cannot run.
Pooty is running for GMBLNM (Grand Master of Bitchin' Leadership of Nanner Manor) with the intent of banning anything that does not reek of fart. The man is adverse to poop but loves the smell of it. Pooty's goal in life is to contaminate breathable air by himself. Also he strongly believes in abolishing condom use as the only STD he worries about is baby which can be alleviated by pulling out or drinking excessive amounts of alcohol. Pooty will ban condoms because raw dogging it is to quote "fucking awesome" and 15 Natty Lights plus a fish bowl and a shot is technically a condom. (Pooty's Laws of How to Make Wicked Safe Love, 2011) Even above condoms Pooty will ban all blunt force trauma to the nut sack. Scientifically getting hit in the nuts makes you more potent and that will just contradict the no condom bylaw plus it hurts really bad. Statistically if you are in Nanner Manor and your name is Pooty, you get hit in the nuts 6x more than anyone else.
-Pooty 2012- "Fuck Condoms, Fuck Poop, Fuck Anal Sex, and Fuck You.....Vote Pooty"
Napoleon is the epitome of a dirty politician. He makes back door deals, he has the aura and hairline of a used car salesman, and his feet still do not touch the ground when he is on a swingset. He is like the human version of a yorkie, if he was on Survivor, all those games where they have to crawl under nets......he would just run under those. His main motivation in running is that drinking games must be played daily and the music played must be generic, mainstream, and known/hated by everyone. Thursdays will actually be Fridays, Fridays are still Fridays, Saturdays are Fridays, and Sunday is Liver Rejuvenation day. Napoleon's idea of friendship is to try and get everyone as close to alcoholism without domestic abuse happening. Also, parking rules agreed to by all political parties will not be obeyed by Wundurrliccc because if we told her to park somewhere she would be confused and get another 3 on that test when Cam Newton got a 26.
-Napoleon 2012- "People Still Love Baseball....................Is Anyone Listening"
Wicket is a staunch believer in regulating fridge space because he thinks that the Jewish kid uses too much of it. He also believes that if something is on tv and he wants to watch it....he is fucking watching it. He would abolish all sleeping in and naps even though he takes many naps himself. Being hypocritical is encouraged as it is a sign of an over-inflated self confidence which Wicket definitely does not have, his dick is huge along with his ego, both of which are enviable. Lying is no longer frowned upon. Ketchup would be eradicated and Pooty would have to eat one whole tomato a week because fuck that guy. Going to the bars anytime before 1:00 would be denoted as heresy. All music played must be the opposite of conducive to a party, if it is really sad and depressing, play that shit, music is for background noise not the primary focus. Fuck Indians.
-Wicket 2012- "Everything I Say Is Right, Especially If Pooty Disagrees Or Headcut Agrees With The Other Person, Napoleon Is Below Average Height And Fuck Yanni."
Headcut thinks loofas are droll and unnatural, why a house needs more than one is unfathomable by his account. Hot and Ready's are no longer food but the common way of greeting people. Rap Music. Beer Pong is changed so there is no longer beer in the cups and drinking is optional. Essentially it is like basketball but without all the rules and strategies that makes it basketball, it is recreational ping pong ball tossing into cups of water where there is no consequence or benefit to participating. Everything that is said in this house must be yelled. Internet Memes. Plants are cool. Indians are the peak of civilization because they were about as good at fighting off disease as Headcut is at constructing an argument. Looking like a retired member of a failed boy band is also encouraged. Taco Bell is designated as an illegal substance, while illegal substances are now legal, Lance Armstrong is innocent, the government shot JFK and any other plot where the government did something bad to its people..... totally on board with that.
-Headcut 2012- "My General Thought Pattern Is That Indians Had Their Shit Together, Even Though, I Love Technology, Books That Are Printed, Not Dying From Disease, 9GAG, And Hot and Readys. Deuces."
So, 8 people that read this blog, get informed, see who is the best for you, then cast your vote, because it actually matters this time.
Fuck Pooty.
Our opinions matter considerably more than yours.
